Mexico doesn't win Olympic medals because all the best
runners, jumpers, and swimmers are in America.
China, Russia, and Poland venture to space. China says
they'll go to Pluto because it's the farthest. Russia says they'll go to
Jupiter because it's the biggest. Poland says they'll go to the Sun.
Russia and China warn that they'll melt. They reply, "We'll go at
night."
Nobody starves in America. People in America die from over eating.
A Polish man, a German guy, and an American dude, climb a
mountain because they each want to make a wish from the genie on the
top. When they make it to the top, they find the lamp and all rub it.
The genie appears and says, "For your wish to be granted, you must yell
it out while you are jumping off of this mountain." So the German jumps
off and yells, "I wish to be a fighter plane!" "So be it," the genie
says, and the German becomes a plane. The American jumps off and yells,
"I wish to be an eagle!" "So be it," the genie says, and the American
becomes an eagle and flies away. The Polish man runs to the edge,
accidentally trips on a rock, and yells, "I wish to b- oh S**t!"
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Q: What's the difference between England and a teabag?
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.
Q: What do you call a Mexican that lost his car?
A: Carlos.
A: Carlos.
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
A: I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
Q: What do you call a Filipino contortionist?
A: A Manila folder.
A: A Manila folder.
In class, Jose is asked to use the word "Cherokee" in a
sentence. He pauses and says, "I lost my house key and now I have to
Cherokee with my sister."
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So two Irishmen are traveling to Australia. Before they
leave home, one of their dads gives them both a bit of advice: "You
watch them Aussie cab drivers. They'll rob you blind. Don't you go
paying them what they ask. You haggle." At the Sydney airport, the
Irishmen catch a cab to their hotel. When they reach their destination,
the cabbie says, "That'll be twenty dollars, lads." "Oh no you don't! My
dad warned me about you. You'll only be getting fifteen dollars from
me," says one of the men. "And you'll only be getting fifteen from me
too," adds the other.
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Q: What's the difference between America and yogurt?
A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.
A: If you leave yogurt alone for 200 years, it develops a culture.
MsEverybodylovespie
Q: Which state has the most questions?
A: Alaska.
A: Alaska.
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A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been
in Canada a year or so, and although his English was far from perfect,
the couple got on very well. One day, though, he rushed into a lawyer’s
office and asked if he could arrange a divorce for him, "Very quick!"
The lawyer explained that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on
the circumstances, and asked these questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house."
LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have a carport and don’t need a grudge."
LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound."
LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I’m always up before her."
LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me!"
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say Polish Remover."
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "An acre and half, and a nice 3 bedroom house."
LAWYER: "No, I mean what is the foundation of the case?"
POLE: "It is made of concrete, bricks & mortar."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have a carport and don’t need a grudge."
LAWYER: "I mean, what are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations live in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Yes, we have hi-fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound."
LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I’m always up before her."
LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me!"
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof."
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy bottle at drug store and I read label. It say Polish Remover."
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