Teacher: "Kids,what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
Roses are red.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.
Your blood is too.
You look like a monkey
And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry,
I'll be there too.
Not in the cage,
But laughing at you.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about
self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand
up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think
anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He
answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
Whenever your ex says, "You'll never find someone like
me," the answer to that is, "That's the point."
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
______________________________________________________________________________
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.
Bob has been missing since Friday.
Did you hear about the two bald guys who put their heads
together? They made an ass out of themselves!
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mother.
A: Ask your mother.
My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the
only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.
funny jokes
A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me,
my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and
replied, "I like your sense of humor!"
______________________________________________________________________________
A lady comes home from her doctor's appointment grinning
from ear to ear. Her husband asks, "Why are you so happy?" The wife
says, "The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have
the breasts of a eighteen year old." "Oh yeah?" quipped her husband,
"What did he say about your forty-five year old ass?" She said, "Your
name never came up in the conversation."
A husband says to his wife, "You know, our son got his
brain from me." The wife replies, "I think he did. I still got mine with
me!"
I saw a young teenage kid on the subway today. He had a
Mohawk hairstyle dyed yellow, green, and red. He caught me staring at
him and in a nasty voice asked, "What the f*ck are you looking at?" I
replied, "Sorry, but when I was about your age I had sex with a parrot. I
thought maybe you were my son."
You know you're getting fat when you say you're fat in
front of your friends and nobody corrects you.
Man: I want to give myself to you.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
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